Romance Binding

by admin on December 10, 2010

Romance Binding

Romance Binding

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BBB Virtual Reading of Binding Vows

how can i make this poem better?

Why do you Torture me?
Your Presence so painfully near,
yet no touch, no contact, no brief caress
of skin on skin
Only a glance askance
to discover my predictable reaction.
Put me out of my misery,
Call me on my folly,
my heart gone berserker
mind, logic, sweet common sense
gone to the winds
As i ponder this passion
in silent, agonizing solitude
amazing how one-sided
a romance can be
this torment the only tie,
connectoin, binding me
in shackles
a slave.
i did nothing to deserve
these wounds
gashes, rents, bullets to my heart
the throbbing pain keeping me
conscious, alert
i live for said Torture
Reciprocated, unintentional
from me to you.
the misery is shared,
it is beautiful.
it is love.

I could be nasty and say burning would make it better, but I won't. I had to read it 4 times to get it right, you need some decent punctuation in it to properly convey the meanings of the words and phrases. Although you have some, there are places where a comma or a period makes a big difference in the reading. The other thing to do is go back and redo the lines so that your word flow with a poetic rhythm to give it a bounce effect in the voice. That is what sets poetry apart from a diary entry or paragraph. Good luck, and don't burn it yet.

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